Jake Studebaker

Jacob Studebaker was born in 1998 in the state of Florida, the exact location unknown due to a flood that damaged his birth certificate. There's been a lot of speculation about where precisely he was born. It's been rumored by fans that he was born in the back of a taxi cab, while he's jokingly stated it was in the same hospital as Jim Morrison. His early life was fraught with chaos and sadness when he was abandoned by his parents in a swamp. A family of crocodiles took him in and raised him, encouraging him to seek out his career as a sharp rock. Eventually, the crocodiles were shot for trespassing in Florida when Studebaker was 12, so he fled to Albuquerque. In Albuquerque, he drifted around the city, largely supplementing his income by selling and stealing scrap metal from dumpsters and wheelchairs that couldn't outrun him. He then enrolled in a charter school when he was 14 where he both sparked his passion for filmmaking and finally found that GameBoy he misplaced when he was 8. In high school, he collaborated with fellow classmates That Guy and Yeah, Him to create short films and write screenplays, his biggest success by this time being the original drafts for "Deadpool." Studebaker would truly hit it big after a series of successful collaborations with upper class man Meal Ticket, who would go on to win awards for a film that was critically beloved for its first depiction of real on-screen drug abuse. Studebaker would frame his award on a wall that wasn't his, because he burned his house down earlier in the month because "he felt like it." After graduating high school, he made what he later considered a career-ending mistake by attending college. Classmates and professors noted that he wasn't even enrolled. As one professor noted "he just kinda showed up and hissed when we'd try to wake him up." Studebaker, in this time, would make what many consider his greatest film, "2 Girls 1 Cup," with his fellow classmates that never argued about anything ever. He finished college after one year with a Bachelor's Degree in Film Sciences that he stole from his classmate. He soon retired from filmmaking after a horrific accident involving a camera fell over and badly injured his ego. He decided to then turn his attention to musical composition for film, eventually scoring a job as Kanye's ghost writer on "Donda." The collective review of Ye's beats as "Mid" made Jacob re-evaluate his career choices, and he then decided to give up all material possessions and wander the Earth. Fans speculate where he is and what he's doing. Tabloid reporters have claimed to have seen him wandering bars off the Sunset Strip, while some fans have posted on a Facebook fan group alleging that he's returned to Florida living as a bohemian. A video surfaced in 2023 of Studebaker performing acoustic blues songs in a bar in Minneapolis under the moniker of "Grandpaboy."