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A Professor, obsessed with 30th president Calvin Coolidge, regales the tale of Billy the Pygmy Hippo. As the Professor reveals the tragic events of Billy's life, those events begin to happen to the Professor. He finds himself at a low point, having been left by his wife and surrounded by drugs. He realizes he must get rid of his pet lions, Tax Reduction and Budget Bureau, so his wife doesn't roll on top of his third daughter.